DAMAGE CONTROL.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Brisbane needs some cleaning up. BIG TIME.

I delved into this subject many years ago, and I honestly thought something would manifest, but no, it did'nt.

Elizabeth Street still looks like the bad end of Sydney's CBD. James Street still looks like tired and the Valley, well the Brunswick Street Mall always riverts back to it's former self, no matter how much PR gets thrown around. The shit always sticks.

Lets start with Elizabeth Street. This could be a world class street. Our version of Castlereagh or Collins Street. The Mitre 10 Building could house a Prada or Gucci, but instead we need prefer spanners and plastic sheeting. If a respected developer came in, the stretch from Albert to Edward could be something very special. There are some wonderful buildings just screaming for a high end retailer, or even an Aussie label to open shop. Hell, us Blokes deserve something, and Xile just does'nt cut it anymore.

I understand it's easier said then done, but why has'nt anyone tried. Brisbane is big enough now to have two major shopping streets side by side. And don't get me started on Adelaide Street, what a whore she is!!!

James Street is the the little street that tries and tries. I know when you've been given such ugly buildings you need to do the best you can, and most retailers do, but please, why have these buildings not been knocked down one by one, and replaced with something really visually stunning. It's honestly not that hard......I think. James Street is what the Beer, umm sorry Wintergarden used to be, odd businesses, both bad and good jammed in together to convince the public that it's something amazing.....but it's not. It's just embarrassing.

Granted there are some excellent port of calls here, businesses that excell at what they do. Whether it's an Eatery or a Jeweller, a Boutique or a Homewares store, MOST, are deserving of their place here. And I know it's all about cashflow, but someone needs to introduce a Dress-Code for Businesses. If you're not prepared to spend money on a fit out and stock decent product, then get the fuck out!! James Street is like that fat woman in a Size 8 Dress, no matter how hard she tries to camouflage it with accessories, she's always going to look CHEAP, or as my grandmother used to say, MUTTON DRESSED UP AS LAMB.

The Valley should be left to rot away like it once did, so perfectly. Once upon a time, the Valley was Brisbane's 'Red Light District', the place your parents told you never to go. Today, it's full of Gen Y girls in their Forever 21 cocktails frocks and their mock Manolo's standing in the caged (garbage bin) area at Zuri with some dude in a Ed Hardy t-shirt vomiting next to them.

It's sad, but it's true, Valley Nightclubs are now putting out the trash, with the trash. Hilarious.

The TCB Building was given an overhaul a few years ago with the hope it would become THE place to shop. Can you honestly see an Ascot Housewife parking her S-Class in Chinatown to shop for her Melbourne Cup hat in the 'gulp' Valley? No, neither can I, but they tried to convince them, with shiny black tiles and a roll call of impressive designer talent, but before we knew it, the homeless were back pissing in the arcade (which says alot), and although the Plasma screens are still there, the designers duds have been replaced by ATM machines and Subway, and the bench seating is now a nice comfy place for the drunks to rest their weary heads!

The Valley is the Valley, it should never have to change. The boutiques will always do well because they cater for people with eclectic cutting edge taste, who have that, 'looks can be deceiving' thing about them. Just because they look like they need a good wash, does'nt mean they can't afford Akira or Dion Lee. Got me?

If the council really wanted to clean up the Valley Mall, then they should've ripped the whole thing out. That's exactly what is happening to Townsville's Mall as we speak. They're replacing a tired, dirty, dangerous, unpopular retail precinct with a well designed road and gardens, that will not only be easy on the eye, but give retailers more of a chance to survive, and it only took them 30 years to come up with the idea. The Valley has character the way it is that's why people go there, trying to change it never works, but you'll never be able to convince council. I say, dirty it up even more. Bring in the prostitutes, open more bars equivilent to The Zoo and enjoy the free spirit, it could be our very own Montemarte.

There are so many parts of Brisbane that could improve, and I will talk about them in later posts. Brisbane is fast becoming a bigger country town then it once was, and with changing times, comes a changing population, and the Government and Local Council's need to enroll in some lessons in not only City Style and Beautification, but a little tutorial in Social Etiquette and Caste Systems would'nt hurt either. We are what we are, and looks are not important, but when it comes to a City as thriving as Brisbane, we need to step it up.

No-one likes the Ugly Cousin!!